“Age is just a number, it doesn’t really mean anything,” assures a friend. And yet here we are discussing how to celebrate my 30th Birthday. And besides, she can easily say that, she’s not turning 30 for another 10 months.
Planning these celebrations inevitably leads to questioning what exactly is so great about this particular anniversary. It’s a milestone, the passing of every decade is and although these annual inevitabilities only carry the significance we attribute them, leaving your twenties behind and entering into your thirties does seem to carry some extra weight.
My family are the first to start commenting on it; the things I should know, own; wear and “not be at” now that I’m “turning the big three-O.” All said in that jokey way where the “but, seriously” is silent. My friends tell me to pay no attention; I take to the internet for solace.
“21 is the new 30” reads a headline. Relief; But it’s not true, because turning 30 is something more, it is a passage into maturity.
When celebrities, particularly women, turn 30 the media mark the milestone with interviews and commentaries asking how they feel about it, what it might mean for their look and their career. And when our time comes we end up asking the same questions of ourselves. In the spotlight or not, the preceding months can contain a mixture of excitement and anxiety; and with all this talk of change it hard to keep the issue at bay.
Anne Hathaway and Beyonce recently turned thirty, and both gushed about the experience. They saw it as a badge of maturity and were happy to enter this new phase. Being 29 is an odd age in a way; you’ve done so much and are practically 30 without the title. Although saying I’m in my 20s is technically true, I don’t feel entirely honest, it really only feels about 10% true.
However, some celebrity stunners like Kim Kardashian have spoken of their age anxiety. Psychologists Anne E. Barrett, Cheryl Robbins in Florida State University identify three main sources of age anxiety; fertility, declining attractiveness and health. But it is the latter two that cause the most distress and women suffer more of it than men.
I don’t usually make a big thing of my birthday, but I have to concede that it does feel like the ending of an era, and it would be a shame to not hold a funeral for my twenties.
I’ve decided on a simple celebration, close friends going out for dinner and then to the local late bar. And instead of asking myself, what am I going to wear? I’m asking what I can wear? Does my hemline have to drop an inch or two? Easy on the eye-shadow?
For all but few, by 30 the inherent, vibrant beauty of youth has passed. The beginning of a battle against the signs of ageing has begun; close inspections of foreheads for wrinkles, and eyes for crows-feet increase. And I can’t help but being more captivated by those pseudo-scientific terms that anti-ageing creams throw at you.
Beauty experts say that prevention is better than cure. There’s no cure for wrinkles except Botox or surgery and it’s too soon for that. But it’s time to pay attention and start a routine that will keep it at its best, damage to skin will not be so easily repaired now. Heavy make-up ages you too, so the older you get, the older it makes you look. So from now on, less means more.
Health-wise turning 30 is a pivotal point, especially for smokers. A recent study in the UK shows that women can cut the risks of tobacco- related death by 97% if they quit before 30. I stubbed my last cigarette out years ago but everyone should do some form of physical activity, and it needs to be tailored to age. Those that do tend to have lower mortality rates.
For over 30s the World Health organisation recommends either 2 ½ hours of moderately strenuous activity or 1 1/2 hours of intense activity a week; and that is just for the minimum maintenance. There's much more work to be done if improvements are to be made and to delay middle age spread. It might be time to pick up the pace on my nightly walks and start a new hobby or two.
In my twenties I created an image of who I wanted to be by 30; and like me many people created this image of the future in the boom years, basing it on projections of never ending opportunities. The only way was up. Life as a 30-year-old now is quite different to how most people who spent their carefree twenties riding the Celtic tiger thought it would.
Laughing about how unrealistic our expectations were at 21, my nearly-30 friend confesses “I thought I would walk straight into a well-paid job after college and planned to be earning about €50k a year by the time I hit 30. But at least graduating at the dawn of a recession has taught me not to plan too much, and just focus on enjoying life and being grateful for what I have.”
So I didn’t shoot up the career ladder and instead of weekends in Europe and trips to New York I’m grateful for a few pints and later turning a friend’s kitchen tiles into a dance floor. And it’s difficult not to feel a little disappointed and frustrated at times.
Your twenties are fun and can be wonderfully carefree by comparison to what comes later in life. But the experiences you have in these glory days should strip you of your naivety and prepare you for what is to comes next. So having seen Ireland, friendships, relationships and jobs go from boom to bust and back again over the past ten years, as well as promises from my mother that I will see it again someday, I feel more knowledgeable, capable and confident that I can cope with whatever comes my way.
I head out the night before the big day, and half-way through my birthday celebration, my friend hands me a big leather book – a photo album of me, my whole life and so many of my friends had contributed to it. I was overwhelmed, not just at the thoughtfulness of the gift, but because looking through those photos I realised that most of the great things that happened to me were totally unplanned, unexpected and completely off course; and that some of the hardest times have made me stronger, smarter and better prepared for the future.
As such I’d know this all along, but only really felt it then; and my thirties really began to feel more like a blank canvas, now standing on a sturdier easel.
And no social-guillotine fell when I hit 30. There is still frivolous fun to be had, wild nights out and duvet days. There’s just a little more work to be done on the serious side of life and with the knowledge gained the results are more successful.
In general, there are signs that things in Ireland are picking up. But even if it doesn’t, at 30+1 month years-of-age, I can see how much I’ve learned, how much better I understand the world and how to navigate it. And I’m looking forward to the next ten years now I’ve an idea how much more is to come and that I’m prepared to make the most of it.
They’re the best years of your life I’m told. And I believe it, they could be now that I know what to do with them. So now I’m telling my 30-minus-a few-months-old friend not to worry; that age is just a number, but if she thinks about it, it is one of the best.
